The in between | phidget's Blog

For those that actually follow my stories and have seen my comments and have read my blogs, you may find me a bit of a conundrum... I am a bit confusing to say the least... but people that are one dimensional rarely have very much to say so I'm glad to be a cube rather than a square... HAHAHA...

My moods fluctuate... and I have had a bit of a demonic past (we all have our stories)... but this is where I am now...

I am happy for the most part... mainly happy with who I am, what I have accomplished and where I am in my life... I have many things to be thankful for and I am truly thankful... my outlook is hopeful though I am a bit of a pessimist at heart... I think I am more of a realist... I know that life is not perfect and I know that things won't always be good... but I accept things as they are... life is... what it is...  some days my "demons" peek out and I fall into a "cycle" (as the doc calls it) but I'm progressing more and more every day... happiness lies within me... and although I still have a way to go on this journey I have found that inner happiness... I still get depressed but that is my disease not who I am... I still have my anger problem... again, my affliction not my definition...

The thing that I have come to learn more and more (IRL and on EP) is many define who they are by their affliction... I am not depressed... I have depression... I am not a demon, I just can't control my rage (not yet at least)... on a day to day basis I AM calm, laid back, goofy, silly, loving, giving, forgiving... I am all that is good about me... not the bad...

I have read many stories today that made me start thinking about this... so many people admitting defeat to their afflictions, diseases and worries... we all came here for one reason or another but in the end we all stay because we have found those who know what we are going through... I've seen a few people on here who stay in the shadows and never say a word... I've seen those who can't help make groups and share a story (I love ya Quirks)... but I have also seen those who have given up on themselves and decided to let their affliction win...

I am NOT my diagnosis... I am NOT what people say I am... I AM ME... all that is wrong all that is right and everything in between... I like the in between... the place where we are all just people without our "problems"...