Baby steps... | phidget's Blog

I'm in a bit of a contemplative mood right now... nothing happened to me... no major news to report... sat and had a nice meal with my family and just got finished cleaning up... but for some reason as I was cleaning I began to think... and for me that's never a good thing... if you haven't read my last blog sometimes my mind goes faster than I can comprehend and I create realities that don't exist...

So as I swept the floor my demeanor calm and collected as usual my mind began to darken... my chest got heavy... I felt like I was spiraling inside... I can't explain why it happens it just does... it's almost like my mind does a flashback or something and creates in my head these thoughts and ideas that are irrational and chaotic... yes, I took my meds today... hush about those!  Haven't even had a drink today... surprise surprise... aren't you proud of me Quirky... ANYWAY... so I'm having an anxiety attack as I sweep the kitchen floor... and though I don't have OCD I became obsessed with a spot on the floor that kept staring at me... I got down to look at it closer and decided to scrub it... so I get the comet and scrubber and I'm on my hands and knees (keep in mind I LOATHE cleaning)... and I hear "what the hell are you doing?"... it's my boyfriend on the couch... seems I was too quiet in the kitchen... I told him I was scrubbing the floor... a quiet pause from him means he is concerned... and a muffled sigh is all I hear...  this action alone stopped the racing in my mind... everything stopped going in hyperspeed and my chest rose in a sigh of calm... I left the spot there... and I walked away...

Forgive me if I act a little strange... for I know not what I do...

Sometimes when you're dancing with the devil in the pale moons light... you have to take the lead!